Đông Tà
14-02-2007, 11:36 AM
(trích từ Nhảm Học Chân Kinh)
Lời tựa: chiều nay gọi chị Hiền rủ đi măm măm nhưng không thấy nhấc máy nên em đành lọ mọ trong khách sạn viết nhảm văn. Dù rất nhảm nhưng đã lỡ viết rồi nên không post thì phí.
Review: không chỉ mang lại sự phấn khích cho các nhà khoa học bằng việc giải bài toán thiên niên kỷ "Show me the meaning of being lonely", Tà còn mang lại niềm động viên lớn cho các anh chạy xem ôm chưa vợ, các chị vũ nữ chưa chồng, các em bán vé số chưa bạn gái, và các bà buôn ve chai góa chồng ngay trước thềm Valentine và Tết Đinh Hợi.
The Dynamics of Being Lonely[1]
Đông Tà
Mad Department, University of Texas at Austin
(tà@mad.utexas.edu)
02/13/2007
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/2472/imagejpegdynkv8.jpg
I. Abstract and Introduction
Long time ago, in 1999, Backstreet Boys (a very famous group at the time) posed a millennium problem in their best-selling album of the same title: Millennium. These bastard street boys basically raised a fundamental query: Show me the meaning of being lonely.
Like the famous Fermat problem[ii], this namely Millennium Problem, despite its amazingly simple statement (even kids can understand), is intractable. Since the last century, millions of people have killed their lives by this problem but it remains unsolved. Thats why people still sing the song Show me the meaning of being lonely.
In this paper, Ill put an end to this problem by presenting the dynamics of loneliness.[iii]
II. Story and Analysis:
"What's wrong with me", I wondered.
<- (back in time) So, I skipped the last talk today at the Hurricanes Workshop (so did Bjorn, my supervisor) in order to come back the hotel early and think about the partial differential equation problem that Bjorn talked about this afternoon.
However, being in the hotel room, I couldn't concentrate on anything technical. "What's wrong with me", I wondered. Do I need to have pink Champaign on ice or dance in the court yard at this Hotel California? Possibly, I guessed. In anyway, I definitely wanted to have some fun instead of doing Math. I was feeling sad/lonely. I then called some friends/relative here but no one picked up his/her phone.
The fact that I couldnt call any one, however, is a great success since it helped me make a 180-degree turn in the search for discovery: from being a victim of loneliness to figuring out the meaning of being lonely. Struggling with loneliness, I sawed the air (Babylons dictionary: saw the air = vung tay múa chân) and suddenly touched my stomach.
Eureka! I, while being naked, ran around the hotel and shouted like Sir. Archimedes. It turned out that loneliness, despite its large magnitude, is just an imaginary variable in this complex domain (i.e. the sophisticated world). The real variable is my being hungry. I havent had any real meal for the last 3 days. Thats the sole reason why I havent been able to study anything (other than this problem).
The world makes sense again!
III. Empirical Testing
Of course, in order to turn the hypothesis above into a law[iv], I still needed to run some empirical tests.
Being naked, I rushed out to the reception asking for a restaurant in the walking distance. As the damn hotel "Angeleno" (its also how Mexicans call Los Angeles citizens) is on a turn-around right off the highway 405, there's no nearby restaurant. I ended up calling Mr. Pizza. Smelling the pizza over the phone, my loneliness disappeared completely, which beautifully completes my proof.
(As a matter of fact, tomorrow, I'll move to another hotel which is in the middle of nice restaurants in Westwood and much closer to UCLA.)
IV. Conclusion and Future Work
My research found that up to probability 100%, being kept hungry for a long time is a sufficient condition for being lonely. It also suggests that the current loneliness state may vanish at seeing food supply. So, if you're feeling lonely, check your stomach first.
A millennium-long difficult problem has been solved beautifully. Does it put an end to the quest for madness? Absolutely not! Let me list some exemplary other problems of great concern.
Long goal: does the solution to the dynamics of being lonely helps people avoid being lonely. Theoretically, it's still a puzzle of great interest since we haven't known yet if food is the necessary and sufficient condition for being lonely. If it's the necessary and sufficient condition (mathematicians love "if and only if" statements), we'll have a complete therapy.
Even so, in practice, thats I dont know. Humans being are crazy and this sad fact, many times, makes a beautiful scientific discovery totally irrelevant.
Short goal: Having solved the Millennium Problem, my next goal is to finish the last slice of pizza, which had finally arrived, and to do a Week Problem, which is my homework on Sobolev Space.
[1] Published in Dynamics of Madness Journal. Vol. I, no. 1, 2007
[ii] Show that the equation x^n+y^n=z^n does not possess integer solutions if n>=3 .
[iii] This finding is partially supported by Atmospheric Scientists, who have talked crazily about the Dynamics of Hurricanes for the last couple days at UCLA.
[iv] Physicists dont have theorems but they have laws. A physicist normally sits in his office or under a tree (like Newton) swearing on his unlucky girl friend. He then writes a paper claiming that his observations on her are universal/physical laws.
More ... (http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-hRunYyclf5nTd1KMjsQw?p=237&n=28500)
Lời tựa: chiều nay gọi chị Hiền rủ đi măm măm nhưng không thấy nhấc máy nên em đành lọ mọ trong khách sạn viết nhảm văn. Dù rất nhảm nhưng đã lỡ viết rồi nên không post thì phí.
Review: không chỉ mang lại sự phấn khích cho các nhà khoa học bằng việc giải bài toán thiên niên kỷ "Show me the meaning of being lonely", Tà còn mang lại niềm động viên lớn cho các anh chạy xem ôm chưa vợ, các chị vũ nữ chưa chồng, các em bán vé số chưa bạn gái, và các bà buôn ve chai góa chồng ngay trước thềm Valentine và Tết Đinh Hợi.
The Dynamics of Being Lonely[1]
Đông Tà
Mad Department, University of Texas at Austin
(tà@mad.utexas.edu)
02/13/2007
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/2472/imagejpegdynkv8.jpg
I. Abstract and Introduction
Long time ago, in 1999, Backstreet Boys (a very famous group at the time) posed a millennium problem in their best-selling album of the same title: Millennium. These bastard street boys basically raised a fundamental query: Show me the meaning of being lonely.
Like the famous Fermat problem[ii], this namely Millennium Problem, despite its amazingly simple statement (even kids can understand), is intractable. Since the last century, millions of people have killed their lives by this problem but it remains unsolved. Thats why people still sing the song Show me the meaning of being lonely.
In this paper, Ill put an end to this problem by presenting the dynamics of loneliness.[iii]
II. Story and Analysis:
"What's wrong with me", I wondered.
<- (back in time) So, I skipped the last talk today at the Hurricanes Workshop (so did Bjorn, my supervisor) in order to come back the hotel early and think about the partial differential equation problem that Bjorn talked about this afternoon.
However, being in the hotel room, I couldn't concentrate on anything technical. "What's wrong with me", I wondered. Do I need to have pink Champaign on ice or dance in the court yard at this Hotel California? Possibly, I guessed. In anyway, I definitely wanted to have some fun instead of doing Math. I was feeling sad/lonely. I then called some friends/relative here but no one picked up his/her phone.
The fact that I couldnt call any one, however, is a great success since it helped me make a 180-degree turn in the search for discovery: from being a victim of loneliness to figuring out the meaning of being lonely. Struggling with loneliness, I sawed the air (Babylons dictionary: saw the air = vung tay múa chân) and suddenly touched my stomach.
Eureka! I, while being naked, ran around the hotel and shouted like Sir. Archimedes. It turned out that loneliness, despite its large magnitude, is just an imaginary variable in this complex domain (i.e. the sophisticated world). The real variable is my being hungry. I havent had any real meal for the last 3 days. Thats the sole reason why I havent been able to study anything (other than this problem).
The world makes sense again!
III. Empirical Testing
Of course, in order to turn the hypothesis above into a law[iv], I still needed to run some empirical tests.
Being naked, I rushed out to the reception asking for a restaurant in the walking distance. As the damn hotel "Angeleno" (its also how Mexicans call Los Angeles citizens) is on a turn-around right off the highway 405, there's no nearby restaurant. I ended up calling Mr. Pizza. Smelling the pizza over the phone, my loneliness disappeared completely, which beautifully completes my proof.
(As a matter of fact, tomorrow, I'll move to another hotel which is in the middle of nice restaurants in Westwood and much closer to UCLA.)
IV. Conclusion and Future Work
My research found that up to probability 100%, being kept hungry for a long time is a sufficient condition for being lonely. It also suggests that the current loneliness state may vanish at seeing food supply. So, if you're feeling lonely, check your stomach first.
A millennium-long difficult problem has been solved beautifully. Does it put an end to the quest for madness? Absolutely not! Let me list some exemplary other problems of great concern.
Long goal: does the solution to the dynamics of being lonely helps people avoid being lonely. Theoretically, it's still a puzzle of great interest since we haven't known yet if food is the necessary and sufficient condition for being lonely. If it's the necessary and sufficient condition (mathematicians love "if and only if" statements), we'll have a complete therapy.
Even so, in practice, thats I dont know. Humans being are crazy and this sad fact, many times, makes a beautiful scientific discovery totally irrelevant.
Short goal: Having solved the Millennium Problem, my next goal is to finish the last slice of pizza, which had finally arrived, and to do a Week Problem, which is my homework on Sobolev Space.
[1] Published in Dynamics of Madness Journal. Vol. I, no. 1, 2007
[ii] Show that the equation x^n+y^n=z^n does not possess integer solutions if n>=3 .
[iii] This finding is partially supported by Atmospheric Scientists, who have talked crazily about the Dynamics of Hurricanes for the last couple days at UCLA.
[iv] Physicists dont have theorems but they have laws. A physicist normally sits in his office or under a tree (like Newton) swearing on his unlucky girl friend. He then writes a paper claiming that his observations on her are universal/physical laws.
More ... (http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-hRunYyclf5nTd1KMjsQw?p=237&n=28500)